Fulltime help: do I really need it?

Source: Unrealitymag.com

With great trepidation I hired a nanny - fulltime! I've ummed and arghed about it and still am not quite sure about it. Do I really need fulltime help when Master R is already in nursery 3 days a week? Sure I can't do anything with Master T glued to my hip but I like to feel independent. I always think about my mother raising 4 of us with no help. Then I have to remember the nervous breakdown.

When we last brought up this issue here on the blog I remember Mama LS saying that having the help enables he to be a better mother and wife. This is the crux of the issue - I'm a bit of a stressed, exhausted, disorganised mess at the end of the day. Mr M would like to come home and have a conversation not just incoherent grunts.

Currently I have a young neighbour come over for an hour each evening and just hold Master T while I do the bedtime routine with Master R. It's lovely to have that one on one time with each child and not frantically throw Master R in bed while Master T screams.

With that in mind I went ahead and hired a nanny, F. It was a very short interview. She's very young and very pretty (perhaps too pretty!), quite shy and, importantly German so she can continue with the boys' bilingual exposure. Rather than the gruelling interview I'm going to give her a 2 week trial where she and assess the situation after that. F will work with us from 12 until 7 so I'll still have the mornings with my boys. And I'll be here at home with her 90% of the time anyway.

I'm quite nervous about it but also welcoming the time I'll have to get this house sorted out, cook meals for the family and pursue other career options. I'll report back soon.

How not to entertain your toddler

Master R loves cooking. He's actually really good at helping me in the kitchen. He gets up on his step at the bench and mixes, measures and pours. He gets so excited about it! I made a big error yesterday though. Forgetting that toddlers need instant gratification and don't understand the word "wait" I thought he'd enjoy some jelly*.

He had so much fun stirring and stirring. I was very anxious about the hot water. But the problem started when he just didn't get the bit where it needs to set in the fridge. We had massive tantrums and tears. It took ages for him to forget about it and stop opening the fridge.

You should have seen his face that evening when I gave him some jelly! He was really excited to see how it had set and wobbled.

Today we baked a scrumptious orange cake together. A much better idea - he can lick the bowl and spoon then in 45 minutes eat a slice of cake. Later he got to make the icing and lick the bowl again! (Must post the recipe for the cake we baked. It's an orange cake made with 2 full oranges - skin, pips and all! Yummy!)

*Sorry I don't know the American word for jelly but I think you call jam jelly? I'm sure you'll understand what I mean from the picture.

Merry Christmas to me

We celebrated the holidays late this year, due to our December travel (I promise I will blog on that later). My MIL gave us a Wii. I was a bit surprised being that we never asked/showed any interest in one. Does she want my unemployed husband to ever go back to work. I envision days filled with him bowling, golfing, playing tennis in the endless time suck of gaming systems.

As many of you know, I sometimes feel that her gifts often have some kind of dig at me as well (remember the lovely napkins from last year "I am the f*!*ing queen). So, I was a little surprised that the next box was a Wiifit. Five months post-baby, was this saying I needed to get in shape. It was a good thing I wasn't having a bad body image day or I may not have responded very graciously. Mr. R says she knows I do work out videos. Hmmm, maybe.

So, we all gathered around the Wiifit to see what our "Wiifit age" was. I should preface this by saying we were all drinking wine. You enter your DOB, height and then do a balance test where you put weight on one side of the body then the other. Mama H- you would be great at this. Mr. R gets up there and he has a fit age of 45. It asked him if he finds himself tripping when he walks down the street. It tells him he is overweight. He is not amused. My MIL tries- her age is 37. I must point out that she drank the least amount of wine. I give it a try- my age was 57. It asked me if I trip walking down the street. I couldn't believe it, 20 years older than my MIL. I tried again the next day and it went down a whopping 51 years old. So, if I wasn't annoyed enough that my MIL spent all of this money on a gaming system we never wanted, I got a fit system that told me I was old and uncoordinated. (It was lucky it didn't call me fat or it would have been thrown out the window. Merry Christmas to me!

Love/hate the dummy

We have a dummy (paci) free house! Hurrah. Well, kind of. The catalyst for this change was Master R's constant whining "Dummy gone!". Mr M and I were completely fed up and while we were away I threw out every last one.

It wasn't as hard as we expected for Master R to quit. After his operation I'd been a little lax and had given into the whines allowing him to play with it in until he got sick of it and gave it to me. A bad habit. We don't mention that D-U-M-M-Y word now simply referring to it as "D". He has occasionally cried out for it and it takes longer for him to fall asleep. With the D he'd fall asleep almost immediately now it takes a little while often with tears.

Master T on the other hand would not take one. I tried on numerous occasions to hold one into his mouth only for him to gag and spit it out in disgust. I tried other brands but he wasn't interested preferring only the real thing. Interestingly he'll take a bottle from our child minder but not the dummy.

There is upside to Master T's behaviour but there's also downside - he sleeps much less than his big brother. Not only that but he seems to wake more frequently. Currently he sleeps less during the day than Master R. But at least there's no attachment to an innate and often dirty object. And no weaning off it - that part I'll take.

Doctor-Prescribed Sloth

Source: http://eatourbrains.com/EoB/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/sloth.jpg
So I am, at last, a little bit pregnant. Yes, a little bit – I am a few days past “seven weeks” (which is hokum-counting, because I’m really only five weeks post-IVF-transfer). The news is thrilling, of course, but the roller-coaster reality of trying for so long to get pregnant is that, once prego, the ups and downs continue. At the first sono last week, the doctor located my new little passenger, but quickly turned grave, telling Mr. A and me that the heart rate of 95 bpm had him “concerned.” So I was to take it easy, and come back in a week. Easier said than done!

I actually asked the doctor whether my racing heartbeat during the exam might have affected things (picture my pumping heart: cranking up to maximum as doctor initially thinks he spots three embryos, then bang-banging again as he corrects himself to say there are two sacs, then dipping up and down after he declares that one sac is empty... it was like an elliptical workout in one long minute’s span.)

Anyway, back to taking it easy, doctor-style: no exercise, no hot baths, no extra-curriculars with Mr. A, bi-daily hormone shots, pills and suppositories, and, of course, no undue stress for this mother of active little Master K. We can all say ha! to that one, Mamas!

Wouldn’t just prescribing a beach getaway be a little easier? Oh, right – no flying until this first trimester is over at the end of February.

Mama H, yoga junkie, had to endure an extreme version of doctor-prescribed sloth for several months of her recent pregnancy. I am in awe of her (for many reasons) and wonder how she managed. I am antsy with the desire to run, or do some squats, or even a downward dog. I shall try to enjoy the downward gear-shifting, but can’t help but fret over my ever-decreasing muscle tone, especially when long-suffering Mr. A injects my posterior each morning with progesterone (in oil! Agh!) What a sight. Ladies, would love any ideas on how to embrace my inner sloth.

Knitting injuries

Yes, yes have a little giggle. I have a couple of knitting injuries. First I have a rash on my finger from the wool I'm currently working with. I don't think it's an allergy, just from excessive wool rub! Second, I was experiencing pain in my forearm and shoulder. Mama LS if I was in NYC you could treat your first knitting injury. When this happens I know it's time to switch to crocheting and give my body a rest from the strenuous activity that is knitting. It was during one of these breaks that I crocheted this blanket for the MIL. I don't really think she likes it but I don't think she likes much that I do. She did ask for one though and I delivered. I also knitted her a pair of leg warmers in the same colour. I hope she gets some use out of them. I won't be knitting her the huge ski sweater she's requested though. It's just too much work when I'm not sure she'll ever wear it!

I'm currently working on one of the most exciting knitting projects I've undertaken. The front and back is finished as is 1.5 sleeves. I should be finished in a couple of weeks and can share the result with you. My only concern is that its too small. I've prewarned Mama J that she might receive a partially knitted sweater if its the case.

Toddler Toy Hit List

Santa really knocked it out of the park this Christmas with Master D's present. With the help of my mom, Google Goddess [friends call her "The Seeker"], he found the perfect solution for a tricky toy issue we've been having at Nana's house. Master D loves the wooden marble racer my brothers and I played with when we were little, but while he enjoys it I spend the whole time holding my breath, sure that he will pop one of the little marbles in his mouth and we will become a cautionary tale about choking hazards.

Happily, a German toy company makes a new, toddler-friendly alternative to the marble racer that has stolen Master D's heart. It's called a Multi-Race Run, a series of inclined tracks that toys run down. Master D loves to place the special panda, boat, car, men, balls and circles on the top and watch them roll down, some swaying and wiggling along the way. Maybe it's the process, or the mystery of why some go faster than others and sometimes get caught if he puts too many on at the same time, but he watches with a combination of joy and fascination that few toys can bring.

I pass this along because I have been frustrated by feeling that the world of toys was somewhat limited and lacking in imagination and quality, and I'm always looking for ways to keep Master D's mind off of "Yo Gabba Gabba!" Have you savvy mamas found any other special toddler tools or masters' favorites that you can share with the rest of us?

Gardening leave

Enjoying a jagertee in Salzburg where it was bitterly cold.

It seems that Mama J and I live parallel lives. We both managed our own businesses then gave birth to boys both just weeks apart and managed to do it again 18 months later. Our husbands both quit their jobs at the same time and we put our work on hold to go travelling for a couple of months - at the same time.

I'll leave Mama J to tell you about her exciting adventure in South America, one that I'm really envious of. We've just been visiting family. Not nearly as exciting.

The reason for our travels is that Mr M accepted a job at a new company. As is customary in Europe he has to take 3 month "gardening leave" betweeen jobs so that he doesn't pass on any company secrets. He wanted to go straight to Europe to snowboard and be with his family but I managed to convince him to spend 2 weeks in Australia visiting my family.

Australia was wonderful and we both wished we'd spent more time there depsite the 23 hour flights. The weather was amazing although a little hot for me now at +30C. It was hectic seeing all my family from Sydney to Brisbane and everywhere in between. For me the highlights were spending time with my mother and father and Master R getting to know them better. Also staying at my grandparents farm and seeing Master R's face when he saw the hundreds of chickens! It was wonderful to take him to the beach most days and splash about in the ocean. Little Master T loved being naked most of the time.

Now we're in Austria where it's freezing cold at-10C. We're having a great time here too teaching Master R how to ski, well walk in the skis anyway. If I'm honest I've had a bit much of snowboarding. A couple hours a day 3 times a week is enough for me not all day everyday that Mr M expects. We've also decided to renovate the kitchen and bathrooms so alas, it's really not a holiday at all.

After a holiday it's always nice to get home to a bit of routine. I haven't really felt at home in London since leaving NYC earlier last year. I was secretly hoping that Mr M would get a job in Switzerland. It didn't work out so I'm determined to give London another chance this year. We're going to find a house to buy and I'll get to make it home. Perhaps that's just what I need to call it home sweet home.

It was the best of times it was the worst of times

Master R taking his bear for a ride.

Dear Mamas, I do have a good reason for being MIA. Not only did I give birth to Master T in late August, but we've had some health issues with Master R which have really overshadowed everything and caused me to make some decisions about work/life balance.

From the time Master R was 4 months old I just knew something wasn't right. I was the envy of many of you Mamas with his infrequent bowel movements. He would generally go 1-2 weeks and then have a major "evacuation", the medical term. Tribeca Peds continually brushed me off saying it was normal for a breastfed baby. One of the worst events happened while we were on holiday in Barcelona. He hadn't gone for 16 days and was in considerable discomfort kicking his little legs and moaning. His stomach was quite swollen. We decided to take matters quite literally into our own hands and lets just say that new towels were ordered from reception.

Every checkup I continued to press the doctor for answers. I asked every medical person who listened but everyone said it was normal and would work itself out when he went onto solids. However it didn't. And when Master R was able to stand he started doing this little dance when he needed to poo. He would rock from side to side holding onto a table or chair and just strain. The interesting thing, without wanting to be too graphic, is that the bowel movements were normal, not hard. Well meaning friends would tell me to give him more prune juice or lentils but it isn't consipation.

It got really bad just before Master T was born. Master R would be screaming in pain with each movement which was now 1-2 times a week. Finally in August when my mum was here she decided it really wasn't normal and we'd have to see a specialist. Dragging along poor little 1 week old Master T we went to a paediatric gastroenterologist. To cut the story short he gave us a series of constipation medications which didn't work except for Picolax which is the very strong laxitive you take before a colonoscopy. If we took the quantities Master R did we'd be on the toilet all night but they just give him a normal 1-2 day movement.

When tests for Crohn's and Caeliac disease came back negative we had to use invasive methods to rule out an obstruction of, my worst fear, Hirschsprung's. On 8 December Master R went to hopsital and under a general anesthetic underwent an upper endoscopy where they put a camera down his throat into the bowel. The actual procedure only lasted for a very long 20 minutes. Straight after the GI specialist told me there was no obstruction, cancer, but we'd have to wait a week for the results of the biopsy.

Master R actually being in the operating room was bad enough but the worst thing, and something they didn't prepare me for, was him coming out from the anesthetic. He was like a wild animals clawing at me and howling in pain with this horrible hoarse scream. I could barely contain him and the nurses were completely calm almost ignoring me struggling with this fighting toddler. This lasted for about an hour and unfortunately I had to do it alone because the nurses had told Mr M that the op would take an hour or more and he'd gone out for a snack!

The results took longer than a week to get back to us with Christmas and doctors away. Finally my daily calls begging for the results paid off and on 24 December I had my best ever Christmas present when the secretary told me it wasn't Hirschsprungs. The bad news is that we still don't know what is wrong. With the Picolax Master R is quite regular at 1-3 days and not is as much paid. Clearly we don't want to have to rely on drugs forever but we'll have to wait now until we return to London to decide the next stage of testing.

Perhaps even more concerning is that the tests revealed that Master R has a thyroid problem and his thyroid will eventually give out. This could be in 6 months or 16 years. He'll need regular 6mth blood tests to monitor the situation. Then he will need to rely on drugs for the rest of his life to keep his thyroid levels normal.

That was last year. 2009 was beautiful for us with the arrival of Master T and Master R's continued development. But it seemed to be a tough one for many of us and I'm glad to close the door on it and open a new chapter with 2010. Happy New Year Mamas and I'm missing every one of you xx