When only Mommy will do...

Master X has always been a bit of a mama's boy. It hasn't posed much of a problem until now. He loves playing with his dad, has a close bond with his grandmother, and generally enjoys people. When his other grandparents or aunts/uncles visit, he warms to them immediately. He's had the same morning nanny since he was three months old and knows her just as well as any family member. I've always been his go-to person, and rightly so, in my opinion. I've been his primary caretaker for all two years and two months of his life.

In the past, Master X had no problem with me leaving the room or the apartment, and would usually smile and wave as I walked out the door. That's not the case anymore. Now, he cries whenever one of us separates from the other. He frequently runs into the office when he's with his nanny, asking for me to pick him up and play, and only wants me if I'm around. It's endearing and sweet, but also tiring. We pay the nanny so that I can accomplish things that are impossible when I'm also watching Master X, not so that he can have two playmates instead of one. Lately, I've resorted to sneaking around the house so that he can't see me when I'm trying to get work done.

Now, you may think that Master X is a neglected child whose parents are paying someone to raise their child. Not so. Master X has undivided "mommy time" for at least an hour in the morning before the nanny arrives, and then all afternoon and evening before he goes to bed. We do classes with friends and play together just the two of us. On the weekends, it's all mommy, all the time. Daddy is around, too, but mommy is still generally at the helm. Mister B and I have left him overnight twice, once a year ago and once this past August. Nothing has changed in the past (almost) two years. So what's going on?

This separation anxiety, for lack of a better term, isn't just happening during the day. It's begun to rear it's ugly head at bed time and is causing a tremendous amount of disruption. Those of you who know Master X know that he is "go, go, go" all day long. As a result, he's always been a great sleeper, going down relatively smoothly and sleeping for eleven or twelve hours. We did have to deal with sleep training when he was somewhere between four and five months old, and it was a challenge because he's so stubborn, but once we got past the hurdle, it was smooth sailing. Until now. For the past week, he's thrown a hysterical fit every time I put him in the crib - he won't let his dad do this anymore. He screams for me and for certain wayward stuffed animals in his crib. "Mommy! Blue bunny... blue bunny!"

It's impossible for me to ignore his screams, especially now that he's specifically calling for me. Master X's crying has always elicited an involuntary response in my body. My heart rate accelerates, I begin to sweat and I generally feel like someone is stabbing me in the stomach. It's been like this since he was born. So when he starts freaking out - something he has only done rarely in the past - I am compelled to go in and try to soothe him. If he's merely crying or whining, I can control myself and stay out of his room, but not when he's bellowing like he's in terrible pain. Two nights ago, after going in five times in about twenty minutes to soothe him, and then leaving as he began screaming again, Mister B suggested we give him ten minutes to calm down, like we did when we were in sleep training hell. Instead of calming down, Master X's protests grew louder and louder, eventually turning into some hyena-like hyperventilating. When I finally gave in, I discovered that he'd gotten so riled up that he threw up all over his crib. By the time I cleaned him and the bed and went through a bit more back and forth of getting him down (involving me agreeing to sit in his chair if he agreed to stay in his crib), it had been an hour and forty minutes since we began the bedtime ritual.

Last night, I decided that we'd do things differently. It troubles me that he's unhappy, but we've always had a routine and I don't want to start any bad habits. Instead of picking him up, I agreed to sit in the chair again. He was calm until I tried to leave... after about fifteen minutes of silence on his part. The second (and I mean second) I stood to leave, he sat bolt upright and began freaking. Thus began our second night of back and forth. Tonight, it was pretty much the same thing, except that I went straight to the chair as soon as I put him in instead of first trying to leave the room. I waited fifteen (hungry) minutes before leaving under protest and then listened to the crying for about five minutes before Master X quieted. Better than the two nights before, but still a problem. Last week, he went to bed with no issues at all, so it's hard to understand what's going on. I even tried a night light tonight, the twilight turtle, but no dice. He wanted it out of the room from the second I turned it on.

So that's where we are and I have no idea how to make it better. I feel terribly guilty every time he gets upset. Is it possible that he senses all the changes coming his way in about three months? We talk about his "baby brother" all the time, but he's never given me any indication that he actually understands what's going on. In fact, when I write that "we" talk, it's really just me. The topic generally bores him and he tunes me out or walks away. Still, I'm trying to be sensitive to the fact that his life will be turned upside down and that he may understand more than he lets on. On the other hand, I refuse to let Master X turn into a dictator and develop habits that are disruptive to the entire household.

Now what do we do?