Hello Mamas. I have been enjoying reading all of your posts and have been meaning to post sooner but honestly, I have never been more exhausted and overwhelmed with LIFE in general. I am also not that cyber savvy. Tonight Mister TS and I are relaxing sans TV while Masters D and G rest soundly (my biggest accomplishment of late but more on that later.) Because of a late lunch out I didn't have to cook or clean so I am finding myself with the time and just enough energy to reach out to my fellow Mama friends.
It seems like a good time. Summer is the time when everyone is coming and going, vacationing here and there and getting out of NYC and out of touch. There are also many Mamas about to join the club of Mamas of 2, and of 3 (!) and those deciding if/when its right for them. I have only knit scarves and have difficulty finishing most projects but I may have something to contribute in the department of parenting. For me Master D was all I ever needed. Even throughout those crazy stages of out of control jet black hair, skinny legs and pale skin I believed there was no other child that was more beautiful. But we wanted him to have a sibling. As I was pregnant with Master G my 2 biggest fears were: will I fall for him as hard and will I lose my first love Master D? Having come 6 months through the other side I have decided to make a list of things I have learned and experienced for you to enjoy, learn, ignore whatever...
1. Labor the second time around was easier. Good news: the cervix remembers Bad news: everything is looser (great)
2. The highs and lows of breast feeding remain. Good news: the constant fear of whether he/she is getting enough is second string to the fear of is my oldest going to smother the baby as he/she climbs ON TOP of me while I am breast feeding. (I wish I had a photograph of the time Master D stood on top of the nursing pillow, his feet next to Master G's body while he lay there and nurse with me sitting in the glider attempting to balance it all.) Bad news: nipples do not remember, they are just as tender and apt to crack and bleed as they were the first time (WTF?!)
3. Babies DO sleep alot! Wow what were we complaining about the first time?
4. Babies DONT sleep through the night, ah that's why we were complaining.
5. Getting both to sleep through the night (my definition of sleep through the night is 10-12 hours) and one coinciding nap was my JOB for the first few months. WILL it to happen. Envision what you want and make it happen. If they dont sleep you wont and you will need every last drop of energy for a baby and crazy toddler. Get them in the same room asap. The younger they are the more flexible. Do not worry about one waking up the other, they get used to each other very quickly. It is MOST IMPORTANT that the baby learn to fall asleep on his/her own. You will not have the time/energy or patience to rock, bounce or shush the baby while the toddler plays with the loudest toy in the room with you are trying to put the baby down for a nap. Leave the snuggling, rocking etc for times when family are around to help with the toddler.
6. With every month the juggling act gets easier. However Master D's coping seems to change as much as the emotions of a crazy 2 year old.
7. It seems to help to have them do as much together as possible (feeding, dressing, changing, bathing.) The more independent the older one is the better so that your hands are free.
8. Give the older one some control because life for them will seem out of control for a while. Do you want this cup or that one? Toast or waffles? etc
9. Accept help from anyone that offers (unless they are toxic to you.)
10. You will fall head over heels for your future kids just as you did for the first. It is amazing how the heart grows for the newest family member.
Mama LS, I can't thank you enough for such honest and caring advice on having #2 (and #3 in my case!). It made me a little teary eyed because my biggest fear is how all of this is going to impact Miss L and my time with her (which is so blissful right now!). The tears may also be attributed to my raging hormones! Since Miss L loves to care for her dolls (change their diapers, give them hugs, feed them bottles) I am thinking of telling her I will have a baby and she will have a baby to care for. Maybe I will have my own little mother's helper (this is wishful thinking)! I think your advice on accepting help is so important, and it is one of the hardest things for me to do. I like to handle things myself, but I think to be a good mother I am going to need to learn to take help when it is offered (and to seek help when I need it). It is going to be very interesting to figure out the whole sleep thing with three little ones. Twins aren't born sychronized (wouldn't that be nice?) so I will have to WILL them to feed and sleep at the same time!! I love picturing Master D trying to balance on the nursing pillow so you could all be as close together as possible! It is just wonderful to hear from you. I am thinking of you and your beautiful family enjoying the summer out east.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful debut post Mama LS. Thank you so much. I did try to post a comment when you first posted but Mr M's PC wouldn't let me for some reason.
ReplyDeleteMany of the issues you've raised here are things that I've been worrying about with increasing frequency as number 2's birth rapidly approaches. As Mama H says, the biggest issue I have is mama guilt that I can't spend as much time with Master R. But I have to keep reminding myself that he's had 1 1/2 uninterrupted time with mummy and now it's number 2's turn. I'll still have to plan time alone with him though.
Thanks again for sharing.
Hello Mamas, just a little follow up to my post...
ReplyDeleteI read a great article in this months Cookie last weekend about beauty after baby that should be a post in itself, something I am struggling with...I digress. One of the things it said was that we were not meant to be raising children solo the way most women do these days: grand parents miles away, workaholic fathers etc. So when you feel stressed and overwhelmed and like you should not give in to help remember that it really does take a village (thanks Hil). Check out that article and lets discuss.
Also, on sleep and my WILL...sounds silly but what I was trying to get at were 2 things: positive thinking will help you and quell your fears and when chidren smell fear and ambivilance they take full advantage. Man how those lil' ones can pull our strings, right?!
Mama H it's going to be all about survival for you in the beginning, do whatever you can to maintain your calm home. You are definitely the right one for the job of twins and a toddler and Miss L is going to the perfect mothers helper, as long as she gets her snack ;-)
Lastly, I still have not resolved the guilt that Master D doesnt get enough of me. I think that will take years and something we need to talk to experienced moms of older kids about. He doesnt hate me as I thought he might though.
Im finally on facebook now, I had to put current photos up since my friends kept posting and tagging ones of me in Halloween costumes from the 90's, hideous but hilarious...Adios Mamas